Category: Dating and Relationships
Hi everyone. This question was posed to me after having a discussion about how a blind person like myself not having any luck with sighted people primarily because of the way I look. What I was told is that if I dated a total or at least someone who has very low vision that they could not judge me based on my looks. It's true that sighted people judge you on first appearance regardless of who you are as a person, and I know from experience blind people can be sheltered and most that I personally know just sit on the computer all day. This might just be my personal observation, but what do you guys think about 2 blind people dating? It just seems to be that 2 blind people having a relationship on any level seems unstable. I don't want to be with someone who sits around the house. I want someone who jumps up at any oppertunity and like to get out even if it is just for walking. Unfortunately i just don't know any one who is like that who is blind. But what are your guys's thoughts? Hey, I'm not saying it can't be done, but I'm very hesitant.
sorry to burst your bubble, but sitting on one's ass isn't specific to people who are blind; plenty of sighted folks do it too.
Agreed completely.
As for my thoughts on the subject, I'll say here what I've said on the multiple other topics people have started asking the same question: Date whomever you have a connection with on that level. If they're blind, fine. If they're in a wheelchair, fine. If they're deaf, fine. Everyone has a limitation of some sort, whether it has a specific name for it or not. I wouldn't want to date someone who sits on their ass all day either, simply because that's not what I find interesting in a partner, not because they may happen to be blind, or whatever else they are, or are not.
Relationships rarely work unless people have a lot in common. If you're a sedentary person who doesn't take care of their body, you're not going to date an athlete or a supermodel. Disability doesn't matter nearly as much as how boring you are.
If you want a relationship, find someone who likes the same things you do and has a similar physical lifestyle to yours. If you don't like that in a partner, then you should look at your own life and change it to suit the type of person you'd like to spend time with.
Dating a black / white / Native American / southern / northern / rich / poor / tall / short / ... person, Thoughts?
Hello no Leo! I wanna green baby!
Seriously, the person that told you that you couldn't date a sighted person because of how you look has an opinion.
Okay how do you look?
Next understand that all sighted people don't look beautiful either.
Next understand that looks is subjective.
Next have they explained why you don't "look good?" Maybe you don't keep yourself clean? Maybe you need a haircut? What is it exactly that makes you not "look good?"
You say you don't want a person that sits around all day, so is your lifestyle active?
As poiinted out sitting around is not a blind activity alone.
Last you'll probably find that blind people are picky too, and have things they desire, and you might not "look good" enough even for a blind person.
You don't have to answer me publicly, but if you decide to you'll probably learn that in fact you can improve if need be, or that you aren't as ugly as you think.
I forgot to add so you understand I know what I'm talking about. I was once highly visual, so again I'll tell you that being sighted doesn't make a person "look good" Of course how a person looks was my opinion tjoo.
I know some people that are told they are beautiful, and you would hate spending 5 minutes with them. Lol
Blind people are not isolated from the real world unless perhaps they do not know anyone or expose themselves to any kind of media. This means they're a product of their society, which means they might think looks are important even if they aren't or shouldn't be. Blind people are honestly no better or no worse than the rest of society. Some, however, might overlook looks, but you have to give people a chance and not jump to conclusion and write them off as trolls or criminals just because they're blind and for no other reason. You might also meet sighted people who don't care about looks, too, you never really know. I would also wonder about these people you've decided are lazy or one-dimentional. There may be more to them that you just don't see. Date who you want, whoever strikes your fancy, despite and not because of what others think. You're here to live your life and not to please everybody else. Just don't think that by dating one sort of person you're going to change other people's minds. Hell with politics, date a blind person, a sighted one, a foreigner, an ugly person, somebody with no limbs, whatever, and try not to judge people so harshly.
Blind people are just as capable of forming first impressions as sighted people are. They may not be based on looks, but they can be just as unfairly judgmental. Having said that, everyone judges, and everyone has their standards. You're obviously being judgmental by saying that most blind people sit on their asses all day. I'm not coming down on you for saying it either--we all have our experiences, and sour tastes in our mouths from past experiences, and that's totally normal. But just remember that before you say that all sighted people are thinking negatively of you. You're thinking negatively of blind people, so it's really turning into a vicious circle for you.
Exactly. Do you think you never get judged by your voice, for example? and that's even more unfair, because there's no way you can change your voice. Well, you can change the tone of voice, your emphasis on words, ETC, but you can't change the physical sound of your voice. You can change the way you look if you have the persistance, and, depending what you want to change, the money.
Agreed with F&R, and Ocean. To the original poster, you're being awfully judgmental of blind people, stereotyping them. Sure, there are plenty of blind people that do nothing. But I can also think of my fair share of sighted people that do the same. It's about personality, common interests, and so on, not disability. You think two blind people dating is unstable? Hmmm. Sounds like you need to rethink your ideas on relationships in general, and what they should be based on.
Ok, I'm just gonna be honest here, I judge on looks. There, I said it, feel free to clasp your hands to your mouthes and gasp dramatically. I'll wait.
So, Cody, you may say as you remove your hand from over your mouth, your blind, how do you judge on looks? Well, I'm glad you asked that incorporial person I put in front of a nonexistent keyboard to make it seem like I'm talking to a person. You see, if I hug a girl, and I find that I can't fit my arms around her, I don't find her attractive. If she has a buzz cut, not attractive; if I touch her face and find it covered with pimples, I don't find her attractive; bad breath, no no; body odor, not happening; poor taste in perfume, not my thing; an ugly sounding voice, you can keep her. I'm just not interested.
Now, I ask you, is that so bad? "Why yes Cody, it is, you're basing on physical appearance, and that is somehow arbitrarily bad."
Well disembodied person, I ask you, who says its bad? we find people attractive for reasons that are based in genetics and science. All the traits we find attractive are based in our biology. Look it up.
But don't you judge on other things too, you ask as you type a search into google. Of course I do, but some of them are physical. I also can't stand overly pushy girls, or overly clingy, or extremely prudish ones, or ones with no sense of humor, or non-creative ones, or ones who don't like books, or ones who can't speak well and form coherent thoughts. Those aren't attractive to me either. What makes those criteria so much better than her weight, or her hair, or her pimples?
Oh, and just to make this germaine to the conversation at hand a little more, I never said blind. Judging based on blindness is just moronic. Why based on something so trivial.
Geeze I wasn't expecting to be blasted for my question.
Basically I only know what I know. Now the reason I ask is because most of my concern comes from physical appearance, not so much activity or getting out etc. I've asked multiple people with eyes what about me do people not find attractive. What I was told is that pretty much if I was going to be a drag queen, I'd pass. I've got recessed eyes, obviously because I'm blind, and my facial features generally speaking aren't attractive. So the purpose for my question was to see if there was a difference in the way blindies view people not just each other by comparison to the way sighties view us and each other.
I agree completely that it is the person that counts, I can't stand being around a lot of people, but the bottom line is whether we want to admit it or not, sighted people judge you based on look. This is why I really can't comprehend why I hear so much that online dating doesn't work. If you aren't attractive, the person could give 2 damns to a fuck about the person. However, I know that I've got a lot of friends, very good ones in fact, and they are the sort of friends who are honest. I'm comfortable with myself don't get me wrong, but I feel blind people, and this is coming from my own experience, focus on the persons personality more so than the physical appearance. Is this, or is this not true?
I can only say whether or not that is true for myself, and those I know. We're people. No two of us are the same. I'm sure some blind people focus more on physical features more so than others, just as sighted people do.
OceanDream, Cody and Alicia all spoke eloqueently on this issue.
All I will add to it is, my only reservation at all for dating someone blind has arisen from being on this site. It has nothing at all to do with apply couch to ass, or ass to couch, or anything else. And it's not the being blind: it's just those like the skinheads of my youth, who base all of their opinions about other blind people based on what they have observed in public institutions, rehab centers and correctional facilities. Then again, there was a most attractive chick I was interested in in high school, but once I found out her skinhead leanings / beliefs about all of my Asian friends, attraction immediately dissipated.
For those still learning to read, I don't actually think all blind people imitate skinhead behavior in this way, making up tall tales and drawing inferences from public institutions, rehab centers and correctional facilities. I simply was surprised at the percentage, if this site's population is a valid cross-section of the photon-deprived. I've met plenty on here who, like me, don't participate in that skinhead-style behavior.
Ok, the simple answer to your question is no. Blind people are absolutely no different than sighted people. Why would we be? What possible reason could we have for changing anything about ourselves, simply because we can't see?
Granted, some of our criteria might change, as I outlined above, but we still do it. We still based on physical qualities, and rightly so. That is how the world works.
Not to be hurtful here, but you seem to blame a lot of things on blindness, and you seem very bitter about it. You've got to let that go. Be comfortable with who you are, it will work wonders. Also, if you're so worried about your appearance, which is totally valid by the way, ask one of your trusted sighted friends to help you with your image. Trust me, it'll make you feel a lot more confident.
My only reservations is really taking into serious consideration of what Silver Lightning is saying with the assertive tone. As if, he knows THE answer. I guess maybe like a cocky attitude? I'm not sure, but that's kind of what I've been observing, especially on this site. It's actually kind of disconcerting to say the least, but without blaming people, which I've not done anywhere in this thread, I still find it interesting nevertheless. I just feel in my heart that personality dictates a lot more than the way someone combed their hair this morning. I mean let's get real. So to me it naturally made sense that if you can't be visual, personality really is the big deciding factor in the chemistry between 2 people. I guess maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised at some of the things said in this thread and more specifically how and who those comments were written by. I thought maybe after 2 years this place would have changed.
I don't have all the answers. Feel free to not take my advice. I'll never know. I can only tell you what has worked for me and pretty much every other blind person I know. If you find another path that you think is better, by all means, take it.
I'm an assertive person. Why would I put my opinion out here if I thought it was wrong? If I think I'm wrong, I don't say anything.
But you ask a question, so now you have to except the answer. No, blind people think looks matter. It is not the sites fault that blind people are people, and in 2 more years it will remain the same.
All sighted persons do not value looks, and this is also a fact. If this were not true we'd have all "beautiful" people, because the ugly ones would never reproduce.
You are a special person and if you develope this you'll learn that your facial features won't matter to the person that decides your special too.
Also remember this looks can change over night positive or negative. Maybe that beautiful girl gains lots of weight and runs in to the door one morning after she's woke up from to many drunks and breaks her nose. The drink has caused her face to sag and the weight has made her not so greate looking to these that value such things, and her skin has faded due to all the sun she's been exposing herself to. She's only 25 years old, but has run herself down. It happens.
Personally, I'd rather date someone who is blind or hard of hearing or something. It's one less barrior that would need to be broken. We'd already have a pretty good understanding. I don't think two blind people dating automatically signifies an unstable relationship. sure, personality matters, but so does the voice. Someone can't help how they sound, but I can't help it if I'm either attracted or turned off by what I hear, either.
it comes to personal groomming. if you are someone who's groom well, dress tidy, wharing clean and tidy and matching clothes, you can win the world over. Of course, if you are someone on another hand, don't bother on your personal grooming, bath ones a week, don't wash your clothes for a year, you will lose it, include your blind pals.
physical appearance is not just about look. is about havin the self confident, personality, self respect and being yourself.
Yes, your eyes might buggered, so what? that doesn't make you better or worse than the next sighted person. Just because you got funny eyes, doesn't suggest that you look funny. Blind maybe, but definitely not funny. However, if you start doing some behavior or habbit that suggesting you are blind, you will be treated like a blind person in the sighted world. Yes, the world out there is big and scarry, just because we may not have that sight to look at our surrounding. But we can appreciated just as much.
Don't limit yourself just because you are blind, your eyes look funny, restricted yourself to date someone blind.
It shouldn't be in the criteria of dating at all. what make dating works in to a relationship is a person characteristic, personality, is not about if they are blind, in wheel chair, they have black, white, red or yellow skin, or they have blue, green, brown, black, hazel eyes or not.
I always tell people, i have gray eyes, because i have cornea problems. They can either accept me as who i am, with my funny looking gray eyes, or walk away, thats their choice. If they do walk away, because i looks funny cause i have gray eyes, i sincerely wish the next person they meet luck.
I do agree that personality should be more important. But people, all people, regardless of what limitations they may have, will notice something about your physical appearance before they will get to know your personality. whether they choose to look deeper is really up to them, but lack of sight does not change that. Neither does lack of hearing, or lack of anything for that matter. As Cody pointed out, we're programmed that way.
I agree on what Cody said in Post 16.
I will just add this: choose carefully who you ask about what.
I don't ask my wife, or any of my close friends, about my uniform, for instance. They don't know, and some snooty uber fashion image people who really need a good ducking once in awhile, find the patrol uniform not to their taste, maybe too loose, etc.
Need a suit? Sorry to be heterosexist here, but ... ask the gay guy working at the suit store, not your girlfriend or another female, unless that suit is to make her happy. He'll tell you how it's gonna be if you need it for business.
You will offend a lot of people by dropping their advice, but you want more than eyes. You want someone who knows the subject matter, be it business attire, a uniform, even camouflage! Even when I had piercings, I went to people with piercings, the types that I wanted, in order to get advice on the visual part.
The uber snooty fashion types with the loud mouths? Generally useless for all practical purposes, except they make enough noise so the blind can tell where they are and avoid them.
I have an x girlfriend (my very first in fact), who has the same views. But hers are much broader. SHe MIGHT, that being the key word, date a sighted person provided that said person had some kind of a disability E.G. paraplegia or hearing impairment. THose people, she believes, would be more likely to be able ty empathize with her being partially blind and also having Cerebral Palsy and less likely to want sex from her. And she's one of those people who contribute to the stereotype of all blind people wanting little more than to sit their asses in the computer chair or on the couch in front of the TV. So an outdoorsy type of guy is automatically out since she doesn't want a guy who doesn't enjoy just loafing around the house since in her words her own restrictions give her more freedom. And yet she still thinks I'd be the best match for her even twelve years later, despite the fact that I love being able to go out for coffee or lunch without having to plan every little detail days or weeks if not months in advance. And she's one of those people who might do some of the things I enjoy such as a weekend camping trip, but it would only be because she felt obligated to do so. I'd much rather be with a woman who genuinely wanted to participate in said activity.
Personally I do not like datingtotally sited people cause I have had a bad experance but that is my oponion
i've had bad experiences dating girls with blonde hair too, I'm not averse to dating blondes. I don't understand why people compare one person to another person based on criteria that have nothing to do with the subject.
I'm not trying to knock your experience or something, I'm sure it was awful, but I'm pretty sure it had little to nothing to do with the fact that he was sighted. Now, maybe he was a biggot, but blind people can be biggots too; that's not a sighted only trait. Maybe he beat you, blind people can do that too; also not a sighted only thing.
I'm not saying you shouldn't base your decision on some criteria. If he beat you, feel free not to go back to an abusive man. In fact I encourage it, I think castration of abusing men should be legal, but I digress. I'm just saying, why would you say, "this one person was awful, and sighted, so no more sighted people for me". That seems to jump to a huge conclusion to me.
So true.
I wonder why there are so many different topics about this subject?
I think because blind people want to find some reason for not dating, or having a mate. Many blind couples do well, others don't.
I think blind people need security to know that they are beautiful, that they are datable, and that they will have a chance at love. Unfortunately because of their many blindisms, it stops many from finding love because sighted people are, well, sighted and they notice things like that regardless of whether we want them to or not. And so date who ever you want, blind or sighted, I don't think it should matter. It's the person that defines who he/she is, not the characteristics like blindness. Of course there are some physical appearances I find totally unatractive, but then again most people do.
And sighted people can't be insecure? I think it's entirely possible that they can be even more so. Sighted people are the ones who are assaulted daily by ideal bodies in advertising and in the media. Sighted people often point out and laugh at those who they think are fat, ugly, or are displaying some weird trait. that's not to say blind people aren't judgmental. As I said before, being judgmental is just one of those things humans do, one of the primal things that we can't easily explain, but that we do to some degree every day. Blind people may not often judge on looks, at least not in the same way sighted people do, but we have our own set of things that we judge on. That's not to say that one type of judgment is better or worse, it's all the same if you ask me. But insecurity is not in and of itself a direct result of blindness.
I agree with post 30: it should be personality not characteristics like blindness that a person should consider when choosing a partner. Blindness doesn't have to be a big deal at all unless you turn it into one.
Anyone can be insecure, I'm not saying not. But to me it seems like on top of the normal things that sighted people get judged for, blind people also have their blindness to add to it.
I hereby threaten anyone who thinks the blind have a corner on the market on insecurity, I will forthwith package you up some teenage spazzes out here, and send them to you through the mail.
It is legal to send poultry through the mail, and often if properly sated with shiny things to play with and enough food, a box full of teenagers might well fool the postman into thinking it was nothing but chickens. Once unboxed you will notice the very insecure behaviors associated with the subspecies homo spasticus: they are constant in the way they preen themselves in front of mirrors, text one another constantly to see who is thinking about what someone else is thinking. They even do this while feeding and resting. And all of them are photosensitive creatures, too.
So wildly insecure are they, that you will nearly have to push them out of the car in the parking lot at a mall in the pouring rain. They are not afraid of getting wet, only afraid of what others will think when seeing them wet. Their insecurity so trumps their logic they cannot see that everyone in the parking lot is walking head down, hoods pulled up to shield their face from the blasting wind. Now note, I understand at this point you would say, 'Ah, but they must be blind! That is why they are insecure!' But no, fair people, they are not: they would have long indulged with a mirror and a light, much the way birds will do if separated from their flocks and kept in captivity. But they will indulge so, even while in a flock themselves. But unlike flocks of other creatures, they may well be as insecure of one another as they are of their alleged foes who they imagine are glaring down on them with an air that would only inspire shame from these poor ignorant wretches. There might not be a return label on that box you get, so you might be stuck with a flock of 'em, but you'd at least know it wasn't their sight or lack thereof, or their amazing ability to decorate the living-room floor with such odd trinkets as leftover bits and utensils from a series of feedings, leftover nesting materials and the like. It's just part of their natural behavior I'm afraid. Natural until they metamorphose.
lets brake this topic down, to a basic level, we are all human, blind or not, so we there for do some profiling of people weather we relize it or not. Now, does blindness need to be a cruch where a person never finds a mate? I think not sighted or blind it does not matter, its left up to the blind individual to go out to the world, jump in to the dating seen and go have fun you will never know what is out there until you try. Yes, your going to get a lot of door slammed in your face "that is life", one day you'll find someone.